


The Old Republic: Revan - The Real Ending

by Blueotterkitty



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic, Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Action/Adventure, Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, I didn't like the book, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-15 00:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3430835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueotterkitty/pseuds/Blueotterkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... In another universe, the events of the novel The Old Republic: Revan never came to be. At least, the ending didn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Old Republic: Revan - The Real Ending

_Revan had said visions could guide the Jedi, but for Scourge they brought nothing but confusion._

_The moment passed and the universe began to move again, though everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Revan and the Exile stepped forward, ready to initiate the final confrontation. Scourge knew he had to act now; he had to make his choice._

_In a sudden moment of clarity he saw the Emperor lying defeated at the feet of a powerful Jedi… but that Jedi was neither Revan nor the Exile. And the Sith Lord knew what he had to do._

Scourge stepped up to the Emperor, and instead of making the first attack, stood beside him.

"I see how foolish I was to stand against you," he said. "The Force has told me that if I fight you, it will only end in defeat."

The Exile steeled their gaze. They knew they and Revan couldn't trust a Sith, right from the beginning! Just as they realized their error, a wave of images came over them, severing the Exile's sight, and they collapsed to the ground, suddenly short of breath.

Upon seeing Revan drop to the ground to check on his friend, Scourge knew this was his opportunity. He reached out to the Emperor's mind, sending a psychic message: kill them while you can.

The Emperor was already on it, however, sparks flying in his hands and static creating a field of energy around his arms. A purple ball of Force energy formed, and he reached out and threw it at the two.

When it hit Revan and the Exile, they shuddered desperately in pain as the electricity coursed through their bodies. Scourge almost looked away, but he didn't- the Emperor was watching. And anyway, why would he be compassionate for his former friends?

"Ah hahahahaha! You fools are finally at my mercy!" the Emperor chortled, getting high off the two Jedis' pain. Meanwhile, Scourge receded into the shadows like the deadly assassin he was.

Not long after, when Revan and the Exile were at the point of unconsciousness, the Emperor called Scourge back.

"It is time for you to make the final blow," he said, "because the penguins won't stop pecking me until you do." Scourge made a mental note to never let the Emperor torture people again as he stepped forward and forced his lightsaber down into the Emperor's back and consequently, his heart. (If he even had one.)

The purple static around his two friends faded away, and Scourge hastened to their side.

"It's alright guys; I'll get you to the bacta tanks," he said softly, hoisting the two over his shoulder.

"Did you really kill him?" asked the Exile, almost too quietly for Scourge to hear.

"Of course."

"I knew we could count on you."

Later on, when Revan, Scourge and the Exile had all made it back from the rapidly deteriorating Empire, Revan invited his two friends over to meet his family and have some caf.

"Your kid is so cute!" said the Exile, patting Vaner on his little brunette head. "Although I can't say the name was original." The Exile and Bastila glared at each other.

"Speaking of kids," said Revan, hoping to stop his wife and platonic life partner from starting an Agni Kai or something of the sort in the middle of his living room, "whatever happened to you and Atton?"

The Exile turned a deep coral pink. "Well… actually, I haven't seen him since the events of the second game."

"Well, actually, you have." Scourge pulled off his face and a pair of red gloves, revealing a scoundrel's face and pale human skin underneath.

"How long have you been disguising yourself like this?" burst out the Exile.

"Ever since the end of the second game. When you disappeared to the Outer Rim, I knew I had to go after you. But instead I found the Empire. It was part of my plan to infiltrate it and take it down from the in-" The Exile kissed Atton.

T3-M4, who had been miraculously recovered from the pile of scraps, let off a series of electronic whistles that roughly translated to in Basic, "Get a room!"

Just then, Mission burst into the room, along with HK-47, Carth, Visas Marr, Mira, those two Wookiees, Canderous, and every single other party member in the KOTOR series. They all were holding the exact same book in their hands: a little purple and red paperback entitled The Old Republic: Revan by Drew Karpyshyn.

"Everyone, stop what you're doing!" yelled Mission. The Exile and Atton stopped kissing.

"I have a very important announcement to make! We are actually in a fanfiction!"

"What?"

"How else did you think we were breaking the fourth wall?"

"Haven't you ever heard of Terry Pratchett?" asked Bastila. Everyone stared at her. "There's nothing wrong with enjoying some Discworld every now and then!" she huffed.

"Whatever! The point is, in this book," everyone held up their copies, "the canonical versions of us don't get a happy ending! So we have to go liberate them by slaying the author, before we get retconned out of existence."

"I have a question," said Revan.

"Yes?"

"What exactly are the details of this unhappy ending?"

"Well, let's see," said Mission, flipping through the pages, "it says that Scourge is not actually Atton, Revan is locked away forever, Bastila is a depressed single mother, the Exile is a girl named 'Meetra Surak' or some other crap and is killed by Scourge when he betrays you guys, the Emperor is not killed, Canderous is leader of the Mandalorians but his wife, whoever she is, dies, the Exile is no longer a wound in the Force, and all the characters from the second game aren't even in this."

The uproar of the crowd grew even louder.

"And- hey wait, I'm only mentioned once!"

"Let's go kill that author!"

"Yeah!"

So the enraged video game characters tore the fourth wall to pieces and went on a furious Force-and-blasters rampage to kill Drew Karpyshyn.

**Author's Note:**

> You cannot prosecute me for the manslaughter of Drew Karpyshyn, or for the second degree murder of the fourth wall.


End file.
